MINDLESS MUSINGS: 100209 –On Extensions, Stress, Responsibilities and Beyond...

So yeah, I am that girl who believes that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes, reason/s just seem scarce enough or hardest to find, and sometimes, I just think that the world or God himself ran out of reasons on why things have to happen. I just cannot help it. Desperation is partly to be blamed. There are things in life that bring us over the edge. In my case, it would be EXTENDED ******, STRESS, RESPONSIBILITIES. I know my mother would kill me for saying this, but it's true. Taking responsibility for my ******r is one thing, but having to take care of my *****r's $$$$$$s and %%%%%%s and **** and beyond is too much, especially when I'm still testing waters and trying to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life. The third quarter of 2009 was a complete blur and whirlwind to me. There was too much drama, and being the introvert that I am, I tried to suck it all up and act tough like everything did not bother me. It was bad enough that things did not go my way or as planned, but the worse thing is I had no one to tell things to much less figure out some outlet just so I could vent out my frustrations. As predicted (by me, of course), I would end up all stressed out trying to balance everything at ***e after my *****r left for %%. There's the pressure and responsibilities, and all the other things on the side. I could not help but cry sometimes at the pressure and expectations that the people at $$$$ unknowingly throw at me. It is dreadfully tiring and it seems like I have channeled all my energy in filling up the role that my mother played, and now, I left myself drained and out of air. It's too novel-like, but I find myself lying awake at night, mentally trying to process the things I have gotten into. This is what sucks about being the eldest...this is what sucks about being the ELDEST in this ^^^^^^. I could cry a whole river or cry my eyes out, but they would never understand nor budge—well, maybe they would do something about it for a certain period of time, but this is the $$$$$$'s illness, they would still go back to where they were before. In the end, it would still be me..I WHO HAVE NOTHING.