If I were to dream of Daniel Henney every night, then I never wish to wake up. I do not know what it is about him that makes me swoon every time. Although I have not met him in person (and I am still hoping that one day I would), he just seems so perfect in every way. Maybe it is the Asian-Caucasian mix. Or maybe his height? Perhaps, his bright smile? Or his talent in acting, modeling..singing..playing the guitar..or his closeness to his mother... If all men were as charismatic and charming as Mr Henney, then I would probably be dead right now. NEWS: Girl dies of heart attack after realizing that all men look like Daniel Henney.
note: I could not find the official music video, sorry!!
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been And how long I've been so alone And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along And change my life the way you've done
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
A window breaks, down a long, dark street And a siren wails in the night But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me And I can almost see, through the dark there is light
Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me And how long I've waited for your touch And if you knew how happy you are making me I never thought that I'd love anyone so much
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
Note: When I die, please let this be the song playing when they burn my body or bury me under a pile of dirt. They said death is like going home anyway, the comfortable kind of home. Besides, they also said it won't be very lonely there—wherever it is people go to after death.
If I kiss you where it's sore If I kiss you where it's sore Will you feel better, better, better Will you feel anything at all Will you feel better, better, better Will you feel anything at all
Born like sisters to this world In a town where blood ties are only blood If you never say your name out loud to anyone They can never ever call you by it
If I kiss you where it's sore If I kiss you where it's sore Will you feel better, better, better Will you feel anything at all Will you feel better, better, better Will you feel anything at all
You're getting sadder, getting sadder, getting sadder, getting sadder And I don't understand, and I don't understand But if I kiss you where it's sore If I kiss you where it's sore Will you feel better, better, better Will you feel anything at all Will you feel better, better, better Will you feel anything at all Anything at all Will you feel anything at all Anything at all Will you feel anything at all Anything at all...
So, okay. The song's kinda old, but nevertheless, it's still one of my personal favorites. It was released in 1992, and only became a big hit when it was re-released in 1993, but rock bands of the 90's always had that effect on people. Maybe, it is the honesty of the lyrics plus the guitars, drums and not to mention the way the lead vocalist sings with passion and eats the words down. Or, the angst and deep emotion that runs through the whole song. My favorite line/s?
I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice. When I am not around. You're so fucking special. I wish I was special.
Doesn't that just tell you of the emotions and pain inside a person? Well to me, it does. It's pretty cool actually how creative and totally talented these people are to be able to summarize a whirlwind of emotions in one song.
When you were here before Couldnt look you in the eye Youre just like an angel Your skin makes me cry You float like a feather In a beautiful world And I wish I was special Youre so fuckin special
But Im a creep, Im a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I dont belong here.
I dont care if it hurts I want to have control I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul I want you to notice When Im not around Youre so fuckin special I wish I was special
But Im a creep, Im a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I dont belong here.
Shes running out again, Shes running out Shes run run run running out...
Whatever makes you happy Whatever you want Youre so fuckin special I wish I was special...
But Im a creep, Im a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here? I dont belong here. I dont belong here.
Something always brings me back to you It never takes too long No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone
You hold me without touch You keep me without chains I never wanted anything so much Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain
Set me free, leave me be I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity Here I am and I stand so tall Just the way I'm supposed to be But you're on to me and all over me
Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile When I thought that I was strong But you touch me for a little while And all my fragile strength is gone
I live here on my knees As I try to make you see That you're everything I think I need Here on the ground But you're neither friend nor foe Though I can't seem to let you go The one thing that I still know is that You're keeping me down Oooh
Keeping me down Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
You're on to me, on to me and all over
Something always brings me back to you It never takes too long...
You’re in my arms And all the world is calm The music playing on for only two So close together And when I’m with you So close to feeling alive
A life goes by Romantic dreams will stop So I bid mine goodbye and never knew So close was waiting, waiting here with you And now forever I know All that I wanted to hold you So close
So close to reaching that famous happy end Almost believing this was not pretend And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come So far we are so close
How could I face the faceless days If I should lose you now? We’re so close To reaching that famous happy end And almost believing this was not pretend Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are So close So close And still so far
Well, okay, there's not a truckload of work, maybe half of it. But the bottom line is, I am bored and about to lose it. The work monotony is killing me. It's no longer fun, and I find myself swerving away from what I should be doing now. I hate how my hatred for the work that I am doing now is affecting how I think and do things, and how I feel about things. I always seem to come up with excuses not to go to work and laze the day away doing nothing instead of earning Px70.xx. My head is full of crap and I turn into a bitch and a grouch when the topic and if the topic ever comes up.
I really think I am about to go down and lose sanity over this. I need a break (was supposed to get one, but Miss Snotty ^^^^ Officer ****** me...Screw You!!!). Maybe a break for good from the hell I put myself into would be more than Best for me. Urgh, whatever, I NEED TO WORK ANYWAY!!! -->praying fervently for the shift to end faster than expected and smoothly at that....
So yeah, I am that girl who believes that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes, reason/s just seem scarce enough or hardest to find, and sometimes, I just think that the world or God himself ran out of reasons on why things have to happen. I just cannot help it. Desperation is partly to be blamed. There are things in life that bring us over the edge. In my case, it would be EXTENDED ******, STRESS, RESPONSIBILITIES. I know my mother would kill me for saying this, but it's true. Taking responsibility for my ******r is one thing, but having to take care of my *****r's $$$$$$s and %%%%%%s and **** and beyond is too much, especially when I'm still testing waters and trying to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life. The third quarter of 2009 was a complete blur and whirlwind to me. There was too much drama, and being the introvert that I am, I tried to suck it all up and act tough like everything did not bother me. It was bad enough that things did not go my way or as planned, but the worse thing is I had no one to tell things to much less figure out some outlet just so I could vent out my frustrations. As predicted (by me, of course), I would end up all stressed out trying to balance everything at ***e after my *****r left for %%. There's the pressure and responsibilities, and all the other things on the side. I could not help but cry sometimes at the pressure and expectations that the people at $$$$ unknowingly throw at me. It is dreadfully tiring and it seems like I have channeled all my energy in filling up the role that my mother played, and now, I left myself drained and out of air. It's too novel-like, but I find myself lying awake at night, mentally trying to process the things I have gotten into. This is what sucks about being the eldest...this is what sucks about being the ELDEST in this ^^^^^^. I could cry a whole river or cry my eyes out, but they would never understand nor budge—well, maybe they would do something about it for a certain period of time, but this is the $$$$$$'s illness, they would still go back to where they were before. In the end, it would still be me..I WHO HAVE NOTHING.
Since I have to sit in my office cubicle at 4AM, I have no choice but to try to uplift the already glum spirits that I find myself in. I just realized that seeing the dark blue velvet like skies, just before the sun rises, is a beautiful thing to behold. Somehow and after the stress, pressure and responsibilities, I find myself thanking God for the beautiful day and another chance to do the things I am doing now. Although the outside world is still dark and grim, I just know that this day is something I should be grateful for.
Days away from work always seem to fly by so fast. There were a million things I wanted to do, and before, I knew it, I had to retire to my bed so that I could get a good night's sleep. Now, I sit glumly in my cubicle waiting for sunrise through the overhead window. I was, is and forever will never be a morning person. I do not want anyone waking me up in the morning. It just destroys my whole day, like a domino—one disaster leading to another. And since I have to spend my Sunday morning—well, more like dawn until noon at work, I opted to retreat to my favorite thing to do when I feel like I am yet again turning into the dark, rude witch that I am. Enter handy N5800 Xpressmusic. In shuffle mode and with earplugs ready, I press the Play button. So here I am, lost in the music that I have always loved. Although, there is not a particular genre that I like, it still helps soothe the foul, sour mood that I have. When Missy Elliot said MUSIC MAKES YOU LOSE CONTROL, she was not exaggerating. There is something about me and music that total clicks. Maybe it is the incoherent moodswings or the plain old nasty attitude, but whatever it is, I am just happy that God is a total genius and he created music. At least I have not turned into Oscar the Grouch's female version, especially when woken up way too early in the morning.
So this is why I never plan and start to get excited about things, especially promises from people (although, I act that I am excited when they tell or promise me something). Though I try my best, if not my bestest, not to be such a pessimist, I just could not help it. The bitterness of broken promises are just too painful for me to bear. For me, it is hard enough not knowing whether things are likely to happen especially when you put so much time and invested so much emotion to it, adding to the pain and frustration would make it worse than one can conceive. I guess it all comes down to one thing—TRUST, and this is one of the many 'perks' of becoming someone with trust issues. People with such disorders are always quizzical and less easy going, they always have questions that require you to think and feel bad and put you down. They drag you down to the pit of their confusion. Although they do not show it, they in fact have some tiny specks of hope in them.
this was very random, creating a blog i mean. well, i have created many blogs in the past, and unfortunately, i have not updated nor wrote anything on it...maybe i'm just having a writer's block or maybe i'm too lame or too lazy to write anything down.
but whoah!! this one i have to say is the result of the way things are going in my life...an outlet one might say.
so greetings, earthlings, welcome to this version of me....
